When Clergy Abuse is in the News
It happens. Abuse stories end up in the news. Currently there is news on abuse coverups in Mormon and Evangelical circles. This can be upsetting to individuals who have experienced abuse, but also to anyone just hearing about it. Stories of abuse can be incredible triggering to hear, but there is an added element when a religious organization is involved. Churches are supposed to be a place of safety, and when we hear that they have not been it can trigger sadness, anger, confusion for some, and for others it might make us retreat and ignore, make excuses for it, or just not believe it happened at all.
I believe that most people do not want to cause harm, especially for survivors of abuse; however, a lot of us do not know what to do when we hear these stories. Regardless of your previous experiences with abuse, it is important to notice how you are feeling when hearing, reading, and/or listening to stories of abuse. Ask yourself:
What is my gut reaction upon learning of these stories? (i.e. run, ignore, disbelieve, freeze, cry, etc.)
Why did I react that way? (Examples: It reminded you of previous experience(s). You have a connection to that religious organization or accused individual(s). You had a different experience. etc.)
Reactions and needs can be different for survivors of abuse vs advocates for survivors. So I am going to break up the recommendations between survivors and advocates.
Recommendations for Survivors
Stories of abuse can bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings and reminders. Sometimes it can trigger a reaction that we cannot understand or identify. A few signs that something is off include:
elevated heartbeat
difficulty breathing
difficulty focusing or composing your thoughts
feeling hopeless
negative feelings about yourself or the world in general
memories or flashbacks of abuse you experienced or saw
These reactions are all signs of PTSD and or/ secondary trauma (Note: this is not a diagnosis). They can be concerning and leave us with no idea what to do. This is why it is important to implement self-care. Self-care can look different for everyone. Here are a few examples:
Minimize triggers—I would recommend turning off the news, staying away from social media, and/or other areas where you might hear these stories. Most social media platforms allow you to “mute” or “unfollow” people, pages, or stories. If you need to be on social media, I would recommend muting triggering accounts.
Do something different—If possible, remove yourself from situations that are causing triggers and put yourself in calming environments. For example, getting outside, walking in nature, go on a drive (if you are feeling grounded and stable enough), plan something outside of your normal routine that you will enjoy, any kind of movement, create some art, etc.
Practice grounding—When you are experiencing overwhelm, panic, and PTSD symptoms this takes our minds out of the present moment. Grounding exercises help to bring your mind back to the present. Here is a list of 30 different grounding techniques.
Know that you are not alone—For crisis resources, visit here.
Know that you are not “overreacting,” and do not judge yourself for feelings and/ or reactions that may arise when hearing these stories. You may try and deny, rationalize, and intellectualize away experiences. Recognize when you are rationalizing that something you went through might not have been as bad as others. Your experiences are real & valid, regardless of “how bad it was.”
Talk to your therapist (or seek out therapy)—While no amount of self-care is going to “take away” PTSD or trauma reactions, they can help in the moment. For more long term, I would recommend seeking out a therapist that treats trauma, and specifically religious or spiritual abuse if possible. If you already have a therapist, I would recommend speaking with your therapist about your current reaction(s) to clergy abuse in the news.
Recommendations for Advocates
I acknowledge that even if you have not experienced abuse, it can still be very difficult to hear about, especially if these stories involve a church or individual that you have a connection to. So here are a few recommendations for advocates:
Let yourself feel whatever emotions arise—You may feel confused, angry, sad, betrayed, worried, etc. Please do not push those feelings away.
Remain open minded—It is natural to recoil from abuse allegations because they expose a terror that no one wants to believe exists. However, statistically, the overwhelming majority of abuse disclosures prove to be true. It causes far more harm to survivors and the general public when we discredit and “attack” abuse allegations.
Educate yourself on abuse myths—There are many myths about abuse. One of those is that victims “always” report immediately after the abuse, so old accounts of abuse are all false. In reality, it is very difficult for survivors to come forward, and many wait months or even years before reporting (if they report at all).
Do not force religion on survivors—Your religious experiences and convictions may have helped you; however, that is not the case for everyone. Believe individuals when they say they are not interested in religious explanations.
Abuse is NOT a spiritual problem—Abuse does not happen because someone did not have “enough faith,” because of sin, because God wanted it to happen, etc. Survivors do NOT need to repent for abuse.
Seek out your own therapy—You do not have to have been a victim/survivor of abuse to feel overwhelmed with stories of clergy abuse. Therapy can help you process your experiences, feelings, and address your feelings of overwhelm. (Reminder that spiritual leaders are not therapists, and are not trained or qualified to counsel you through trauma.)
Regardless of your religious affiliation or beliefs, abuse cases are sensitive. Again, no one wants to believe that these things happen. It is uncomfortable and overwhelming. Take care of yourself, practice your own self-care and allow others to do the same. Find and surround yourself with supportive people.
